Quarrels about trifles are disruptive to many compounds. French sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufmann, advice on how not to fall into a spiral of mutual hostility. When going out to dinner with friends, must swear to them that he had left work at home so as not to feel like a guinea pig under his gaze sociologist.Also avoids giving advice to your children about their relationship, because I did not want to intrude or impose. He talks about a few cases, which examines, in its very popular in France, book Agacements (irritations), in favor of "small wars partner. I ask him for advice, how to overcome anger, and gives it to me: "Accept the fact that someone is different and it's hard to change it. But also appreciate his efforts, regardless of their results. " La Vanguardia: Does the partner is an oasis, or war? Jean-Claude Kaufmann: so much we want to be a haven, that our reason is war. How did this happen? Reposed in him so much expectation that their fulfillment is nearly impossible. And it irritates. Does this mean that the partner should expect less? You must at least be aware that contrary to the expectation of things has its price: we feel quite free and implemented as a unit, while we want unity with your partner ... Are these desires can not be reconciled? Will be moments when we feel the need to first, while our partner will insist on the latter. And vice versa! Despite this, many couples have a long apprenticeship. Being together is an art that requires a large capacity. Is that to say what he wants to say, without causing irreparable damage. How do I do? Are there any tricks? Yes, the humor: say something as if it was a joke ... This is a tactic more male than female. Really? He prefers to protect the humor. She prefers frontal confrontation. She wants answers, he used excuses. Then it is irritating. A very common scenario. What annoys him? Her claim, or when she says: "I am ready in two minutes" (and is) or "It seems a pile of money on a dress, which even does not imply". It would be good to give vent to the which germinate in all pairs. You titled your book is the "irritations". What do you mean by it? There are even view: tense, explosive atmosphere, at any time. Comes to the friction between the two. Your and her habits and her yours. Even if you are largely consistent, there's always something that was different: some of its feature will be for you not to lift, and vice versa. Such friction sometimes lead to an emotional explosion ... Several such outbreaks ... and divorce is ready! Yes, if we are not able to rotate them in favor of the union. Analyzed irritations many pairs: for each will be some advice.