Home 
Relationship While men talk
Relationship While men talk | While men talk |
|
|
 Ordering, purifying talk about the past is the best father, son, what can I do for myself. It's also a chance for his father. And for the whole family. In this way, the men break the generational wave of incomprehension, coolness and alienation between fathers and sons. A friend told me about the turning point in his adult relationship with his father. Now, with her son saw the "Four armored and a dog", the episode where Johnny finds his father and go as to himself along the shore of the sea. And then my friend burst into tears and began sobbing, which had not happened ever in the course of his adult life. When he recovered, he realized how much he yearns for a father. He remembered the two scenes with the father in childhood, and then he was gone, his mother recalled him reluctantly. Recently, he found his father. - Congratulations. This man did something very important for myself, his son and future generations of men. Turning to his father, accepted the past. Accepted the father's imperfection, and thus also its imperfection. Not ashamed of emotions. Called them and allowed to have handled it. - Sometimes the father is waiting to speak with his son all his life. Waiting for the son say "Dad, can not everything was great, but you try to, you were a good father, thank you." Robert Bly, author of "Iron John", maintains that most men die in the sense that it is not checked as a people and as fathers. Adult son has the power to soothe the conscience of his father. - Fathers are waiting for it, but rather unconsciously. Looking for opportunities to restore contact with an adult son. Do it clumsily, for example, asking that the son arranged them something at the office. Father does not speak openly about their needs, feelings, the desire for love and acceptance. Seeks contact, referring to filial obligation to care for his old father, the guilt, "Do not come, do not you call ...". Son difficult to recognize these signals as an expression of love and desire to draw closer together. Therefore, it disposes of his father: "You know what I'm busy." And if so asked, "Miss for me, Dad? Would you like to meet, talk? Let's meet. " It could be a good start the conversation. - In turn, when the sons want to approach - for example, he watched a moving video - the father is scared! This is a true story: The son calls his father and says: "Dad, as I thought, what have you done for me, and I want to thank you. I love you .... " And my father said, "Are you okay?". - Or: "Speak at once, what you need!" Or "Be a man! I see that it is putting up. " Fathers, who throughout his life cut off from their feelings, they are not able to accept the feelings of a son. - How would look like a conversation between father and son after years of silence, casual greetings and farewells, coldness and indifference? - We must organize and clean up the past. Son called and expressed feelings that her father alive. Tells us how to remember childhood and how he felt as a child, which lived and what they experienced, and how it affected his adult decisions and choices. - Many of the fathers shall apply and psychological violence against children, emotional and often physical. How to talk about it without anger, rage or fear? - To talk about how difficult it is to say: "Even today I feel a paralyzing fear when I recall how I had to flee before thee, have I trembled when I heard your drunken ravings of the door at night. We suffer and I want you to know it. I am still angry, when I think what has happened in the house. I need to tell you about it and I am sure that you want to hear. Do not accuse you, do not expect you to me and apologized, only to hear you. " - Fathers in these situations, deny, defend, attack, accuse the son of ingratitude. - However, it has become - the son said, and his father heard. This message is not lost. Father is not strong enough and mature to calmly accept the words of his son, but at a deeper level, he feels relieved when what is hidden, is called. Son of his father's easier to accept if so, what was and what he is. And the relationship between them is changing slowly - it is more real, more direct. Rather, there is nothing to count on the fact that his father is open, admit to mistakes, says: "I'm sorry, son, that you left, that was the cause of your suffering." Such a reaction would require a large self-awareness, acceptance and above all its imperfections. Fathers often fall into the trap of excellence. Do not know that admission of the mistake to his son and the next is an expression of power. It is characteristic of a warrior. - Fathers can not be reconciled with such overt injustice, yet we try to have everything the son came to the people. - Son can then say: I appreciate it, I'm grateful, but I ran out of this and that. Well, before talking to her father knew his history, childhood, youth, learned how pressures and restrictions subject. When a son makes a wider - family, social, political - context of life his father, he begins to see him not only as a perpetrator of suffering, but also as a sacrifice, and a lot of changes. When the story delves into the lives of our fathers, we realize that they too - like everyone - in its own way to pursue happiness. Able to do it in a mistaken manner that bore the suffering, but we also will put yourself and others suffering various varieties. Why are we better? - Where would be held talks with his father? - Talks may be several. You can go back to the various threads of the past. Where? Certainly in a quiet, peaceful place. You can invite the father to himself for a long walk on the fish. It can also be a conversation during a joint painting flat, work in the garden. When there is more time, you can take my father for a few days to the places of his childhood. The very being together is building and integrating. - I read about a man who took his father into the woods, and said: "Do not come back until he talk". Another locked the door of the hospital room where his father lay, and said: "Now you have!". - Men are sometimes surprised that a dare to express anger and rage against his father, then under these sentiments find sadness and sorrow, and when the flow of grief, is only love. Spontaneously begins to pour a lot of warm feelings, memories of good moments with my father: when he learned to ride a bike, jacket, read to sleep. - One of the men, knowing that we will talk about this, and asked what to do when the father is not and never was in life, son. - Write a letter. If you sit down to write the emptiness in my head, so it is started: "I feel emptiness. I do not know what to write ... ". Then follow what appears, what we think. Let the story drift. When the list is ready, read it aloud, imagining his father, who is heard. You can write such letters over several months or years. Letters can be burned or buried, thrown into a river. Similarly we proceed if the father is dead. Imagine that sits in front and listens. We can also talk to your picture. It seems simple. However, direct conversation with the father emotionally closed, angry and unhappy, like a collision with an ice wall. Why would a man take up this challenge? - Because this is the best, what can I do for myself. If you do not go for that, he will bear the burden themselves, and it consumes a lot of energy and complicates life. Frank conversation with his father is also a chance for the father to cut off part of his acceptance; possibly benefit from it. - What happens in the life of a man who is not confronted with his father? - Move a relationship with her father on relationships with other men. Contact with older men feel anxiety and tension. This can be seen for example in the work. Very often, young managers behave ruthlessly against older men, make cuts in staffing. It is said then that the elders have habits, which can not be eradicated, that the corporation needed fresh blood. I had a client: for good luck before they fired a specialist, realized that he sees in his father, to whom did not express fear, anger and despair, and that it is willing to release subconscious revenge on his father. Can a man be a good leader, chief or leader, when in the middle of a desperate, sad boy? When we made no attempt to confront his father's authority, it is like the boy in us still could not grow. Could be the head of someone who has not grown up? The man has a sense that it is weak, not able to cope, did not express their feelings and needs, has. But do not show this, trying to be strong, it comes to the gym, sailing, skiing, playing tennis. The behavior of these monstrous appearance requires effort. Impossible that such a man could draw from the labor joy and satisfaction. Certainly draws various inducements, financial, prestige, social. May pursue a career - the managerial, scientific or artistic, but it's hard to feel unfulfilled man. The role requires the skills of emotional leadership. Objectives, strategies, techniques of creativity are important, but most important is what happens between people. Leader, who can not cope with the emotions, makes the situation worse in the company. A man who is not confronted with his own father, is afraid to be a father. Often met young men who could not pronounce in this respect, which eventually drove to the collapse of their relationships with women. These were dramatic situations, because they loved these women. But just sabotaged the marriage and parenthood, that women finally were forced to decide on separation. - How can you tell that it's time for cleaning the conversation with my father? - After a strong emotion. After the fear and tension, timidity and uncertainty felt in the company of older men. After anxiety, grief and anger that occurs when he is the father. When feelings of sadness and irritability, which wake up, when I look at my son and think what a pity that my dad was not so sensitive to me as I am for your child. When anger at herself promised myself that I would other than the father, and I act like it. When envy and regret when I look like my old father playing with my son: for me, so why not? Something starts to hurt. Art in the fact that these feelings are not ignored. - What happens in the inner world of man, when the gain is an open conversation with her father? - Gains access to their strengths. The confrontation with the father of a man is measured with difficulty, effort, pain, threat. Take the risk, although the counts that can not be understood - and thus builds up its authority. Comes from the role withdrawn child who avoids confrontation and does not express his opinion. This transformation immediately positive impact on the social roles that men play, and relationships with women and children. Men in relationships with women often behave like boys, fall in the role of his son, colleague, friend, but not male partner. When a man confronts his father, talking to him as an equal, an adult with an adult, then the experiences of male power. The relationship with the woman becomes more open, honest, talking about feelings, open to resolving conflicts in exchange for giving and receive. |
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
Who's Online
We have 14 guests onlineEach of us has his concept of love and understands it differently, because there are so many definitions, how many people live in the world. Deep in human nature lies the need of proximity of another man. One of the most beautiful feelings, which may experience a man is love. The bond between two people of the opposite sex, it is still unfathomable mystery, but is repeated thousands of years. Still do not know why? Love is often insidious and ruthless, engages us, despite the disadvantages of the object of our affection, and even covering up its deficiencies, and often shows us his beautiful and better than it is in reality. Seeking a sense of acceptance as a complement to the common bond.
Divorce and what's next
If a woman feels hurt the departure of a partner, especially if her confidence had been abused by him, beyond the bitterness and pain for this reason there is often the desire to play on it for what it did. Can of course be extended indefinitely the process of divorce, fight a court battles over the division of property, weaned him from feeling and faith in the company of friends, but the most severe "punishment" turns out to be separating him from the child. A child needs both parents, as each of them completely different role in his life. Also needs a sense of security, the belief that despite their separation by each of them is still loved and supported them.
Playing with Fire
Statistics on divorce shows that their number is increasing from year to year. Among the reasons for that, next mentioned in the previous years, such as marital infidelity, alcohol abuse, reprehensible attitude toward family members, housing problems, incompatibility of character, lack of sex, longer separation of spouses and the differences in outlook (percentage faint but there) has established a new categories: social networking on the Internet. Like any other medium, the Internet can be used both in positive and negative.
Holiday Love
A non-binding initial knowledge, freed from the control of their environment allows for any creative yourself, try new behaviors, the disclosure of covert expectations so far, all in a beautiful natural setting, the rhythm flowing unhurriedly time. The personal history of many an adventure holiday in the album recalls dried flower that evokes the memory of pleasant memories of joyful years. But sometimes, too, that instead of the serene image of this episode from the past appears as a sad, sad, and sometimes traumatic, involving abuse, fraud and destroys trust in the human manipulation.