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Relationship Listen. Now, only you
Relationship Listen. Now, only you | Listen. Now, only you |
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 Yes, I hear you "is one of the best definitions of love. In the heart of love is a willingness to listen, listen with an affectionate respect everything relating to a loved person. Listening carefully to mean that I care so much about you that put aside their matters, forget about favorite beliefs and ideas, how our relationship should look like. I care only for those that you know and understand. Listen carefully it does not mean to leave you and your partner agree. You can stay at his while to understand what is happening in the inner world of a loved one. It is not excluded. Love embraces the whole "I came back agitated after talking with my dad. I sat down, resigned at the table, I had no power to remove the coat. Corner of my eye I saw that he goes to the TV and turns it off. Gently pushes a chair and sits down next to me at the table. He looks at me, waiting. After a minute, the two begin to talk. Tell him what happened, I cast out of his words and emotions. He listens, leans slightly toward me. I say, I do not remember how long, half an hour, an hour. Until everything is said. In the end fade. Sit still for a moment in silence. Already quietly undresses and go to the bathroom. I fall asleep immediately. In the morning I wake up with a clear mind - I know what caused such a stormy exchanges between me and Dad, I see a solution, I feel like I'm re-watching world. I've never experienced in such a way that forces careful listening. Be heard, understood this more than "I love you", more than anything that happened in our courtship. " Is it any wonder that May, who told me this story, she married the male listener half years earlier than planned? Many authors writing about the importance of careful listening, emphasizes that this is the most important attribute of love. Martin Rovers in the book "to seek love" (The Way, 2007) refers to as listening to the cure of wounded love. Proposes a new definition of charity, which would sound: "Yes, I hear you." In the heart of love is a willingness to listen, listen with an affectionate respect everything relating to a loved person. "Love wants to know and be known. The greatest thing is that she knows me. The most embarrassing thing is that she knows me! He knows my best and the worst was, my strengths and my injury. " Careful, focused listening is always an act of love - by Morgan Scott Peck in his book, already a cult "Way less-frequented" (Medium 1998). Love is a silent agreement that can only arise when listening. Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist teacher, in his books such a hearing is called "deep" because it reaches a deeper level, free from the dualism of "good - bad", the benefits from the desire to prove their case. The adoption of a deep listening from the heart of fear, doubt, frustration or worry, but also the internal state of happiness and joy of a close relative. Who among us can, however, listen carefully? Without mind-reading, without interruption, evaluate, comment, denial, disbelief, embarrassing questions. Who of us possesses this art? Without listening carefully there is no agreement, no contact. Listening requires trust. "When one person reveals the heart and the second listen, it's like a dance of love" - by Scott Peck. Beautifully worded. But to dance in this way, you must be good sweat and toil. "Good listening is hard work - emphasizes Peck. - This skill will never be acquired without effort. Most of us are not aware of it and has no desire to take the trouble to ask. Concentration requires energy, which can only arouse love. Most of this energy that we lack. We feel that we hear constantly, but usually it is a selective listening, with a focus on specific objectives. During the conversation wondering how to achieve them as quickly as possible and terminate the dialogue or direct it to the track, which correspond more to us. " We are in this exercise since childhood: to push its point of view, to convince his "truth" as the only appropriate, discuss, argue, will direct the conversation so that I was on top. Win! But the partner who lost in the conversation, feel, ignored, humiliated, pushed aside. Word War divide and destroy. We are immersed in the culture of the law stronger. If the brilliantly juggles words, do not let ourselves be deceived, intimidated, manipulate, use blackmail, we have a chance to go out victorious in the verbal battle. But whether we have been able to communicate? And how we feel when we win, but a person close to losing? "Each of us has experienced verbal violation of another person. We know the bitter taste of this form of violence, even if at first we felt satisfaction. The bitter taste comes from a shame "- Flavia Mazelin Salvi writes in his excellent book" Zen in my life for two. Praises the qualities of scenes sometimes marriage, recalls in its publications, Thich Nhat Hanh. Scream, beat, abuse - it is an emotional release from the suffocating pressure. Marriage is a performance stage two of the ego, blind and deaf. The very name of "scene" suggests a theatrical spectacle. Grams, and it seems that all means of expression are permissible. However, the bed scene or per milliliter is not closer to each other partners, do not build relationships and intimacy. abuse of words, lack of space for listening, acceptance and understanding have left traces of invisible but very real. Listening to the opening, "scene" closes. Listening to the "scene" rejects. Do not miss the opportunity to silence . Hear and understand this does not mean to leave you and your partner agree. You can stay at his while to understand what is happening in the inner world of a loved one. It is not excluded. Love embraces the whole. A prerequisite for good listening is, of course, silence. I hate the council heard that we have never missed an excellent opportunity. But how? , We have much to say, the wisdom of wasting so much? Removing yourself on the side associated with the total acceptance of a loved one. That acceptance is essential in attentive listening, the importance of healing. We have few such moments in life when we feel totally accepted, because the gift of full acceptance of so much falls into the heart opens and soothes. Triggers fears of prison. Scott Peck points out that in the very act of such a hearing is concluded the possibility of exceeding one another. When we feel that what we say, falls into the listener's heart, followed by extension of self and reaches new areas of knowledge, special insights. Chinese ideogram word "listening" is composed of four symbols: Ear, Eye, Comments and undivided heart. Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu wrote about the one who hears "It's listening / silence surrounds us / Which in the end we begin to hear / Who we be." Exercise makes the master: Less talk. Slower to move. Observe internal states. Listen in silence for at least 10 minutes. Check whether I listen carefully, and I understand. Meet beloved in the form of a Stranger. Look at his photograph. Survive the last meeting . No projects and no plans This weekend Do not accept no invitations. Try to satisfy the experience these days as they appear before you. Be next to each other or each of them. Pay attention to any feelings and emotions that flow through you: irritation, relief, anxiety, calm ... Try to observe the internal states. Just watch. Less talk, move slowly. To be together, but also "in itself". Ten to ten If you listen to each other comes to you with difficulty, may be helpful to exercise with the therapy couples. Reserve once a week for 20 minutes each. Make sure that no one will not be disturbed. Turn down music we both like. For 10 minutes one of you just said, second only to listen. Then change. You say what you want, at such a pace that suits you. Partner, who listens, can not interrupt or ask questions. While he will speak, can refer to what he heard, or start a new topic. The idea of this exercise is based on the traditions of indigenous tribal councils in North America. During the conference can speak only one person, one who holds the eagle feather - the symbol of truth. Everyone, including the Creator, hear this, who has a pen, with gratitude, love and respect. Have I understood you? Until they gain proficiency in listening carefully, after hearing the partner is good to repeat the content of the messages came to his own words and ask: "Did I understand you". If you hear: "Yes, this is what I wanted to say. Thank you for having me ", a sign that we are on track. |
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Who's Online
We have 18 guests onlineEach of us has his concept of love and understands it differently, because there are so many definitions, how many people live in the world. Deep in human nature lies the need of proximity of another man. One of the most beautiful feelings, which may experience a man is love. The bond between two people of the opposite sex, it is still unfathomable mystery, but is repeated thousands of years. Still do not know why? Love is often insidious and ruthless, engages us, despite the disadvantages of the object of our affection, and even covering up its deficiencies, and often shows us his beautiful and better than it is in reality. Seeking a sense of acceptance as a complement to the common bond.
Divorce and what's next
If a woman feels hurt the departure of a partner, especially if her confidence had been abused by him, beyond the bitterness and pain for this reason there is often the desire to play on it for what it did. Can of course be extended indefinitely the process of divorce, fight a court battles over the division of property, weaned him from feeling and faith in the company of friends, but the most severe "punishment" turns out to be separating him from the child. A child needs both parents, as each of them completely different role in his life. Also needs a sense of security, the belief that despite their separation by each of them is still loved and supported them.
Playing with Fire
Statistics on divorce shows that their number is increasing from year to year. Among the reasons for that, next mentioned in the previous years, such as marital infidelity, alcohol abuse, reprehensible attitude toward family members, housing problems, incompatibility of character, lack of sex, longer separation of spouses and the differences in outlook (percentage faint but there) has established a new categories: social networking on the Internet. Like any other medium, the Internet can be used both in positive and negative.
Holiday Love
A non-binding initial knowledge, freed from the control of their environment allows for any creative yourself, try new behaviors, the disclosure of covert expectations so far, all in a beautiful natural setting, the rhythm flowing unhurriedly time. The personal history of many an adventure holiday in the album recalls dried flower that evokes the memory of pleasant memories of joyful years. But sometimes, too, that instead of the serene image of this episode from the past appears as a sad, sad, and sometimes traumatic, involving abuse, fraud and destroys trust in the human manipulation.